I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
