Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
