I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
