my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
we're making bets on your personal life
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
