Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
