If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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