you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
