I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is that a dick in a sweater?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize