I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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