I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
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There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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