Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick