tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
bring money and cleavage
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
These 23 People Share the Worst Advice They’ve Been Given
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!