they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.