so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
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21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
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lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?