Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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