booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
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