her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Randomize
