I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize