I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
