i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
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