"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
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Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
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I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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