She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
