I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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