Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
