Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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