My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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