An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
