He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
