after a month anything with tits is on the radar
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger