And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.