What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
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Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
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Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.