its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE