Your dad touched me again.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
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You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
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I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.