It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.