Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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