Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
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On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
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He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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