If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize