I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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