Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize