____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Holy sore nipples Batman
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
