they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
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at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
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You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
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