who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry my hands just texted you
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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