new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize