I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
babies were throwing up all over the place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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