I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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