Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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