Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.