Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.