oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?