I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif