You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.