Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
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I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
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According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize