It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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