I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
