Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
