Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
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fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
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I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
i am craving dick and cupcakes