I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower