I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you