It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
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We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
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Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?