well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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