Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
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i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
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Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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