I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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