then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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