Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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