so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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